Explaining Death

We have a number of guinea fowl and chickens. We started with five guineas which we are free-ranging in our back yard: Blondie, Billie Joe, Joey, Henry, and Jello. At some point in their adolescence (a few months old) two went missing. Henry and Jello still had flight feathers, so I am hoping they just found a new home elsewhere, but it is highly likely they just 'flew the coop' and were a quick lunch for some local owls, or heaven forbid, some of the local 'free ranging' neighbors' dogs. *grumpfest* I won't go into the local custom of 'free-range' dogs, it's just too much for this post.
Maeven, age 4.5, has been sad about losing Henry and Jello, but she was able to accept the explanations of their disappearance. We talk of them often, but it hasn't been stressful. My 15 month old Aisling isn't quite at the age where any of this makes any sense or matters.

Last week, we added four more guineas: Crowley, Castiel, Sammie, and Dean. And we added six chickens: Mary Ann, Ginger, Rose, River, Amelia, and Clara. These ten are still hatchling chicks. Mary Ann and Ginger are a week or so older, but all very vulnerable and small. When the Punks (the five original guineas) were this small, we had their pen in the house. I was keeping the house warmer, too, as it was still chilly out at night. Well it's full-on summer now, so we put the keets and chicks outside. We built a bigger coop for all the birds, where the 3 almost-fully-adult guineas now overnight. The chicks' pen has been up on the porch next to the house.

At some point in the last 8 hours, we lost Crowley. Poor sweet little albino guinea keet, body still warm, absent of life. Maeven and I went out to hand-feed the chicks and keets and she saw before I did, "Wake up! Mommy, this one isn't waking up." I looked, and saw his crumpled form, and realized this was her very first experience with death.

I got my oldest son to help. He picked up Crowley with gloved hands. We examined his feathers, found no visible sign of injury. His eyes were open, glossy and clear. He had no breath within him, no sign of life. He was still warm, but it's summer in Texas so he wouldn't cool that quickly. With gentle care, Aus took Crowley around the back of the barn, got a shovel, and asked me, "Where?"

We decided Crowley should rest beneath our apple tree, which isn't very big yet. I had already planned to put a bench and turn the apple-tree-corner of our yard into a place of serenity, so why not place our lost fur-and-feather-babies there. He started the hole, and Maeven piped up, "I want to help! Let me get my shovel too!"

A few moments' search, and she couldn't find her shovel. She came back to watch Aus finish the small hole, and we placed Crowley into the hole, without any wrappings or box. I would have given him more dignity, but the process of decay would be hindered by the sentiment. We each put a handful of dirt in the hole, and said some words. Then Aus filled it back and we all came inside.
I explained to Maeven, "Crowley is dead. Dead is gone, forever. But his body still has something to give us. His body has atoms and molecules, and the tree will use him for food. He will become parts of the tree. We can call the tree Crowley if you want."

"Mom! I don't want Crowley to turn into a tree! I miss Crowley, I want a new Crowley. Daddy can make me a new Crowley."

"Honey, there will only be one Crowley, ever. His spirit is gone, his body is empty. We need to let his body go into the dirt, become part of the tree. The birds will enjoy him as a tree, he will feed and shelter the birds, and give us shade. And maybe some apples."

Explaining death to a 4 year old is difficult. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do as a mother. There isn't a quick and easy, "He's gone to heaven, and we'll meet him there some day" answer for me to give her. Because I can't fill her head full of bullshit. Death is final. The bits of our body that remain become food for microorganisms, for bugs. We nurture the soil, become fertilizer. We become part of the plants, the trees and grasses, or more directly, if we're not embalmed or burnt up and ground up, we become food for larger beasts. When those things die, they continue to become food and nourishment for more living creatures, and on and on goes the life cycle. The things that make us who we are, those are lost forever. But the stuff within, everything else, it continues to be recycled over and over and over, becoming new things with new (but temporary) consciousness and spirit which will be lost in time just as we were.

How do I simplify this without losing the heart of the process, without filling her head full of fairy tails and imaginary places? Gently.

She is still talking about Crowley. This tiny, short life, that we only knew inside of a week. She wants Crowley back, she misses him, she wants a 'new Crowley'. "Daddy can make a new one, with white tape and stuff and things."
In my heart I want to be able to give her that. But I would not be doing her any favors to sneak a new albino guinea chick into the cage, and tell her 'look we got a new Crowley'. This is a life lesson. This is painful, awkward, and very important. And I know she will talk about it for a while, with a whimper in her voice, struggling to process the permanence of things. Crowley is gone. He is in the dirt, at the base of the apple tree.

My husband has more than one sweetheart, and that's exactly why I married him...

My husband is a great bear of a man, with bright blue eyes, a bushy reddish beard and mustache, a little more sparse on the top than he was when we met. He's worn many hats over his lifetime, from bouncer to mechanic, trucker to railroad engineer, and more. He's a social guy who has many many networking contacts all over the place. He's a bubba, a good old boy, a country gentleman, a gitRdone redneck.

I'm a shy, eclectic, punk-hippy-goth-nerd crafter who has trouble even shopping in public let alone hosting a big bbq in the back yard. We are total opposites in appearance and in personality. We are a good fit though, as odd as it may seem.

He's so very very dedicated to me. Loyal and true. Faithful. Devoted.

And he has several sweethearts.

Today he went out to the store. He came home and showed me the gifts he'd chosen for each of the other ladies. I smiled and voiced my approval and appreciation.

You see, both his mother and mine are widows. He thinks of them every year. Every year for valentine's and every other holiday, he looks after both our moms since our dads aren't here anymore, recognizing them for the lovely women and mothers they are. They don't spend the holidays alone or forgotten. He's a wonderful sweet son and son in law.

And in the same vein, he's an amazing father. We have four sons (two are nearly 16, the others are 11 and 12). We also have two little daughters, 10 months and 4 years. They are Daddy's Sweethearts through and through. When we were trying to decide what to do for our Valentine's date night, they were automatically included. He's so proud to be their daddy and enjoys every opportunity to show off his beautiful ladies.

So when he came home with five Valentine's Day gifts, my heart just swelled. I love him so much. He's my man, and I gladly share him with these other women. We're all lucky to have him.

Maeven's Mitts

My daughter Maeven is a rambunctious nearly 4 year old wild child. She's a total tomboy, but she loves her Hello Kitty, My Little Pony, and Dora the Explorer. She adores pink. But she rocks out in her black boots and jeans. She's punk rock. She's hippie. She's eclectic and free spirited. She's a mini-me. She's also everywhere, all the time, up, down, round and round, in and out, back and forth, and all about. She never stops. It is hard to keep gloves on her, let alone clothes, so I thought I might work up a mitten that she can rock inside and out, without hindering her ability to cause mischief and madness wherever she goes. Since we live in Texas, the weather isn't always cold enough for a true mitten. So Maeven's Mitts were born. I wanted them to be girly, but not too girly. Warm, but not sweaty, snug without constricting, and above all, CUTE and FUN!

I've attempted to write out the pattern, but I may be a bit verbose, I may be totally off on the proper structure of writing a pattern. Clearly, I would appreciate pointers and help from any seasoned pros. But since I love how this mitt turned out, and I can't see being a meanie and keeping it to myself, here is my long-winded pattern, including yarn notes/suggestions and tips, for everyone to enjoy! I will hopefully revise this post in the future, and intend to include a pdf (if I can sort out how) with links through Ravelry (I'm MoonKatz there!)

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Maeven's Mitts, a fingerless glove in sizes XS, S, M (toddler to 6” hand girth; tween to 7” hand girth; adult to 8” hand girth, other sizes obtained by changing hook/yarn size to get different gauge)
Gauge 4 fsc = 1 inch.
Hook size = size to obtain gauge, for me this was 2.35mm Susan Bates size 1.

Abbreviations
Foundation single crochet -fsc
Single crochet - sc
Double crochet - dc
Half double crochet -hdc
Chain - ch
Slip stitch – sl st
NOTES: This pattern is worked in the round until you reach the thumb hole, where you will turn your work. Above the thumb you rejoin the two edges to work in the round again. You can add or subtract rounds to get the length you desire. Stitch/repeat counts are for size stated with counts for larger sizes in parenthesis. There are two stitch patterns used, one for the wrist which is more snug and warm, the other for the hand.
Larger yarn and hook may be used to get larger sizes. You should use a gauge and stitch count that allows your foundation round to just stretch comfortably around the widest part of your hand, at the base of the thumb. The lace stitches and the wool content of the yarn allow some stretch for comfort.
Yarn used - Red Heart Heart and Sole (shown in Spring Stripe)
Suitable substitutions include (but are not limited to) - Bernat baby jacquards (will not be as stretchy, works up larger); knitpicks pallete (hand wash only, will felt); knitpicks chroma (a bit splitty, will felt, hand wash only); lion brand sock-ease; deborah norville serenity sock yarn; knitpicks stroll fingering; knitpicks felici sport. There are numerous other yarns that will work well for this project, I have only listed those with which I've had personal experience. Feel free to substitute your own yarn choices, and let me know if you find one you particularly like because I'm always up for trying new yarns!

A yarn with a short color repeat will have multi-colored bars in each of the fans, one with medium repeats may have each fan a different color, and one with long color repeats may have an entire round with one color of fans. A yarn like Chroma will have a gradual fade from one color to another. Try to make both mitts start at the same color repeat if you want to make them match, or mix it up by making the second mitt reverse of the first. It's up to you! If you want a solid color yarn to show off the texture of the stitches, that is also an option. I wanted a painterly effect, like the Impressionists, so my Maeven mitts have a bit of a Claude Monet spring landscapes color scheme.

I used a sock weight yarn but anything from fingering weight to sport weight might work for you. A yarn with wool helps it be nice and warm but if you have wool allergies make sure your yarn has some bounce/spring to it, otherwise your mitten may be too snug or go baggy with wear. Cotton might substitute well, except they will stretch with wear and may shrink in the wash, so choose a cotton blend instead.
The xs fits a child whose hands are 5.75" at the widest point, measured around the palm including the base of the thumb.
The gauge for that is about 4 fsc per inch.
Hook - I used a Susan Bates size 1 hook (no reason, it was dark and the hook size worked), which is about 2.35mm, but you will use whatever hook will give you or the best fit. Using a B or C hook (aluminum) or anything from 2.25-2.75mm will give you a range of fits for each size category. Check fit after joining your foundation row in the round and go up or down a hook size as needed. If I had known this odd hook was a weird size I would have started with a different hook, but I was 'winging it' late at night, and it was just there in my tool bag.


Maeven Mitts XS(S, M): 
Foundation round:
Leaving a tail 6-8" long for joining and weaving in, FSC 24 (30,36) Join in the round to the top loops of the first stitch with a slip stitch. CHECK FIT NOW. It should be easy to slide over the wearer's hand at the widest point without having to fold their thumb in. If it fits, join at the bottom with the tail with a knot or securely weave the end back and forth and through the bottom edge, but DO NOT PULL TOO TIGHTLY otherwise it will mess up the fit!
Wrist/cuff:
Round 1:
Ch 1, sc in first st. Skip 2 st,  dc 5 in next st, *skip 2 st, sc in next stitch, skip 2 st, 5dc in next st. Repeat from * around ending with 5 dc in third st from the end, join with sl st in first sc. You have made 4(5,6) fans around.
Round 2:
Ch 3 (counts as 1 dc), 2 dc in same stitch (first sc from row 1), skip 2 st, sc in next st, *skip 2 st, 5 dc in next st, skip 2 st, sc in next st. Repeat from * around ending with sc, then do two dc in the same sc as the beginning ch 3 and 2dc (the first fan you started on this row) and join with a sl st in the top of the ch 3 (center of the first fan).

(each sc will be at the center top of a fan from prior row, and each 5 dc will be in the sc from the prior row, till the end of the wrist portion)
Round 3: repeat round 1
Rounds 4-7: repeat rounds 2 and 1

All sizes, the wrist/cuff ends here, and continues to the hand stitches – do not tie off, continue below. If you want a longer or shorter cuff, repeat rows 2 and 1 as often as desired, ending on an odd round so the next instructions make sense.

Hand (for sake of distinction from the cuff, hand rounds are being counted by letters instead of numbers):
Round A: ch 4 (counts as dc and ch 1), dc in same space, skip 2 st; 5 dc in next st, *skip 2 st; 1dc, ch, 1dc in next st; skip 2 st, 5 dc in next st; continue from * around, join with sl st in 3^rd ch on beginning ch 3 of this round. (fans and V's, next round will alternate)
Round B: sl st in ch 1 space of V from prior row. ch 3 (counts as dc), 2dc in ch 1 space, *work a V (dc, ch, dc) in the center st of the next fan, then 5dc in the next V. Continue from * around, but finish with 2 dc in the same beginning st as your ch3 (finishing your first fan) join with sl st in the top of the ch 3.

{Repeat rounds A and B till the hand length fits from the wrist joint to the first thumb joint. For size XS there is no repeat. I have not yet tested S or L numbers yet to determine length, so I will amend these directions later, for now I'm listing one repeat. You can try on the mitt as you work to get the best fit. Bear with me, I've drafted these directions barely 24 hours after starting the design, and have not had time to test anything or even make the second mitt! Five kids, sigh, and very little time for crafting. Please message or leave a comment if you find any errors or need help.}

Note: the way these join, you may notice the join location jogging to one side every round, this is ok! If you do not want a jog, you can work a full fan instead of half, then slip stitch over after you join so your V on the next row starts in the right place. 

XS continue to row C.
S,M repeat A and B once more, then go to row C.

Row C (begin working back and forth, rather than in rounds): ch 4 (counts as dc and ch 1), dc in same space, skip 2 st; 5 dc in next st, *skip 2 st; 1dc, ch, 1dc in next st; skip 2 st, 5 dc in next st. continue from * across, but in the final V, only work 3 dc to make a half fan (this makes the thumb hole straight); turn. You can place a marker at this join, for working the thumb edging later.

XS Row D: ch 4 (counts as dc and ch 1), dc in same space, *work 5dc in next V; 1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc in top of next fan. Continue from * across, ending with a 5 dc fan, join with sl st, continue working in the round again.
XS does not have a row E.
S,M Row D: ch 4 (counts as dc and ch 1), dc in same space, *work 5dc in next V;1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc in top of next fan. Continue from * across, but in last V from prior row only work 3 dc rather than 5. Turn work to right side.

S,M Row E: ch 4 (counts as dc and ch 1), dc in same space, *work 5dc in next V;1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc in top of next fan. Continue from * across, ending with a 5 dc fan, join with sl st, turn work to the right side and continue working in the round.

XS:
Round F: Repeat round A
Round G: Repeat round B
Round H: Repeat round A
Round I: chain 2 (counts as hdc), 4 hdc in same space (should be a V space); *3 hdc in top of next fan; 5 hdc in top of next V; continue from * around, ending with 3 hdc in the top of a fan. Join with a sl st, continue to edging rounds.

S,M
Round F: Repeat round B
Round G: Repeat round A
Round H: Repeat round B

(repeat as above until mitt is desired length on the fingers, if ending on 'round B' use instructions below, if ending on 'round A', use instructions for XS above.)
Round I: chain 2 (counts as hdc), 2 hdc in same space (should be a fan); *5 hdc in next V; 3 hdc in top of next fan; continue from * around, ending with 5 hdc in the top of a V. Join with a sl st, continue to edging rounds.



Edging rounds:
Hand:
Work at least two rounds of SC without joining, in a spiral around the top edge. {When you get to your first sc, rather than joining with a slip stitch, just work another SC. Continue till you have completed a second or third round, sl st and tie off, weaving in your ends securely. Reminder: do not pull your yarn end too tightly as you sew it into the work or your mitt will not have the stretch it needs to be comfortable.

Thumb:
at base of thumb, join yarn at base of thumb (where you started working back and forth, at the end of round C. Work evenly in SC around the thumb opening. Do not work too tightly, you're just edging it. Mine wound up with 16 stitches around for the XS size. I estimate S,M will have 24 st around. Work another round without joining (in a spiral, as above for the hand edging) and end the second (or third, if so desired) with a slip stitch, then weave in the end (the same cautions apply!)

Again, this pattern is untested. I haven't even proofread it yet, I just wanted to get it out of my head and onto the net ASAP (otherwise it would sit in limbo land forever and never get posted at all!) I am not a professional, this is one of very few patterns I've attempted to write. Feel free to test it and give me any feedback or ask for help if you run into problems. I will try and post photos along with this in the very near future. I thought I might try and do a video while making the second mitt, but I came down with laryngitis overnight and can't even holler at my kids to tell them supper's ready (one teen actually missed out as a result, ack!) Maybe I'll do my very first video tutorial on the adult size version when I test it later. :)

Pattern copyright 2014 Deirdre “Moon” Barrett-Underwood, aka MoonKatz/MoonKatz Arts. This pattern is being offered free of charge for personal use, with request that you link back to me, credit me, or message me. If you wish to sell items made from this pattern, I only ask that you credit me for the pattern and think kindly on your fellow earthlings and do something nice for someone else. It took me six hours to type this down, and eight hours trial and error to make the first mitt. I'll probably spend another 8-24 hours revising, testing the other sizes, and providing photos, as well as creating a pdf file that prints easily. I would appreciate if you could put as much effort into being kind, generous, and pay it forward. Enjoy!