So when the blog began I had all these grand plans. Several dresses, some knit projects, I was just going to truck along and get them whipped out and really have a productive spring. Nope... kids needed too much attention, joints decided to freeze up on me, and I lost steam. And hubby's schedule of classes put him right smack in the middle of my work space for sewing.
I've been battling arthritic hands for years, half my life at least now. It's just osteoarthritis (I've been tested for RA), but it's pretty crippling all the same - and it's in more than just my hands, so I get to play 'which joint is swollen today' every day, depending on the weather and what I've been doing. Diet can really mess me up too. Sometime well before Halloween last year, I strained my index finger on my right hand by overdoing the knitting - yep, a knitting related incident. It was extremely painful, and I seriously thought I'd broken or dislocated it, because of how swollen it was. I went to the ER after it bent sideways at the joint while I was palpating for crepitus (feeling to see if there was a break in the bone), the doc was kind of dumbfounded that I'd hurt it pickin' and throwin' yarn, but there it was. X-ray came back normal, they splinted it, sent me home to consult with my regular doc (at the time, I had no regular doctor). I went to my new doc the next week. She ran a full blood work up to check for things like Lupus and RA, which came back a big resounding NO (more on that another time) and granted me a referral to a specialist for more help with the finger (ok I had to call back to her office for the next four weeks with no results, and finally realized that my insurance, which I was new to, allowed me to self-refer). Two months later, still splinted, still in pain, I finally got to see a hand specialist (orthopedic surgeon, yep, with all the bells and whistles pertaining to hands) who told me he had no clue what was wrong with my hand, (finger still visibly swollen, locked in extension, and needing a splint to protect it for daily activity) and the kicker was, he went on to say that I was pretty stupid to be wasting his time like that. I very literally cried. He did, as he was writing me off to go attend some luncheon, offer to have it X-rayed again, as if that would make the pain and swelling go away. And his ending comment was that splinting it was the absolute WORST thing I could be doing for it (remember, he told me he did not have a clue what was wrong with it, but was SO SURE that whatever I was doing to make it feel better was absolutely wrong). By then my finger had been injured nearly three months. When I saw him again in the hallway while waiting for X-ray, he told me he'd review the films but that he "hoped he'd never see me again." Seriously. I spent the next hour crying in the parking lot trying to pull myself together so I could drive home.
It'd been hurting for so long that I'd learned to knit with it in the splint, and quite well too. Now I had to decide whether he could be right, remove the splint, and try to knit carefully without it while hoping for it to improve, or ignore his advice based on his cruel personality and keep the splint on, and risk permanent damage. I split the difference, splint at night, off during the day. I also had to decide whether to report him to the state medical board for unprofessional attitude, whether to give a hearty gripe about the ER doc who insisted I keep it splinted, and whether to bother with seeking a second opinion with another orthopedic hand specialist. After all, if it did 'just' turn out to be osteoarthritis, they could give me an injection of steroids for the pain and swelling (but if it's RA, they'll tell me to buzz off). Which was what I suspected it could be after the first X-ray came back ok, and had gone to the hand specialist to confirm and treat. But he 'had no clue what was wrong'. He said it several times during our brief appointment.
There was no excuse for his attitude. I've had snippy doctors before, when I was on military insurance or medicaid, and honestly who can blame them for being testy when they have to give you a price break. But right now I have very good insurance. I even had a fairly normal hair color when I went in (right now it's three shades of purple with black, it was just auburn and black then) and I dressed conservatively. Yes I had my infant daughter with me but she was quiet, sat in her little umbrella stroller and just looked as cute as could be. It still irritates me that he was such an arse, but with my severe social anxiety I just can't bring myself to make a fuss about it officially.
Anyway, 'nuff ranting on that doc.
This finger is still painful. The knuckle is knotty now. I can't do simple things like open cans with a manual can opener, or pop a tab on a soda can. Forget tight jars. Dropping things is a common occurrence. My once beautiful graceful hands are now showing signs of age and destruction. I'm only 37. It really kills me. I have so much creative and artistic talent I want to utilize - I bead, I knit, I crochet, I do lamp work, I sculpt with wire and beads, I work with polymer clay. I want to learn wood working and lapidary arts, throw pottery, and bake bread. Things that hands are useful for, necessary.
So my work is slow going, at best - I don't knit as fast as I'd like to, and even when I do I have to take frequent breaks so I don't overwork my joints. I can't load up on foods I'm allergic to (which is quite a few things, like corn products) because it causes inflammation. So there goes my twizzler-fueled lampwork marathon, blast it. I put my beading aside for a while because peyote, RAW, and herringbone are just not fun when I keep dropping the needle. Maybe loom work will eventually be my method of choice, less hassle, but we'll see - the beads will keep. So I just knit and crochet now, mostly knitting because it is new to me and I am learning so much every day. I knit till my hands hurt, then I knit just a bit more, and then let them rest. I push it a little bit longer each time. If I feel like I'll be knitting for a few hours straight, I'll take an NSAID before I get to the pain threshold, and then quit when I feel I've made considerable progress. But I don't like to medicate as a rule, for any reason.
How does this relate to sticky fingers, you might wonder. Well... I'm getting to that. Because of my hand troubles I don't use a mouse with my computer. I use a tablet in conjunction with the touch pad on my laptop. It's a lot easier for me to click and draw with the pen, and if the 'tapping' bothers my still-injured joint (right index finger), I can click with the left hand on the touch pad, right hand controlling the pen's location. It is a very excellent solution, and has allowed me to do so much more on the computer than I could manage with the touch pad alone, or with a mouse. The pen has become my lifeline, mightier than any sword. It's the gateway to my social world (I'm agoraphobic) and to new crafting techniques, blogs, tutorials, patterns, and YARN SHOPS! I also am an avid game-a-holic.
So today, my sticky-fingered, button-pushing 14 month-old toddler, (aka Little Miss Pretty Princess Maeven) managed to abscond with my tablet pen. DOH! I have looked everywhere. In a moment of distraction, she nabbed it. Or maybe I set it down, which is possible, while dealing with her for some other reason, and just can't recall where. But somehow, the pen has vanished. And it was in the space of five minutes, because I can think back to what I was doing before I realized it was gone, and I know it was in my hand. After that, it's just me looking for it. It is such an integral part of my daily life that it seems everything has come to a screeching halt. I'm sick over it. Tablet pens don't come cheap. I would almost be better off just buying a whole new tablet, but I can't justify that. I'm one grumpy bunny. I can't do my intarwebs routine! If I can't find it over the weekend, I'll probably die of boredom and frustration. Or insist on getting a new tablet - one with touch and pen capabilities... but I'll have to earn my own 'pen money' to get it. (oh the puns!) My fingers will have to suffer so that I can give them sweet relief, such irony.
On the other hand, now that the pen is missing, maybe I'll focus more on my crafts and have something pretty to post next time. For now, you get a shot of the culprit - pushing buttons and looking guilty - wearing the cris-cross dress I designed for her in checkers and flames, with ruffle-bum bloomers. The design was a draft and since I don't have a dress form, I have to tweak it on 'the real thing' which is not easy when it's a rambunctious toddler-diva... but I did finally get the sizing right (just not in this photo). Of course, being MY daughter, she prefers to wear the dress backwards because the front's length hinders her ability to climb things and get into even MORE trouble. ;) Shown here before alterations, and worn front-ways.
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